Feelings

I dread the next two weeks leading up to my birthday. I need help. I hate asking for help. I hate feeling like a charity case. I hate feeling so vulnerable to rejection. I hate, hate, hate everything right now. I'm so afraid of change despite how much I hate everything. I know I can't make it on my own. Even with a little help, I know I'll fail at life. I'm an utter fucking failure.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!"
"Everything."
"..."

So I've pretty much fucked myself and the future of my being. I have no sense of anything. I'm all talk and no fucking action. Honestly, what is wrong with me? Someone, anyone, tell me. Be as blunt as you can possibly be. My feelings mean nothing at this point. I just need to know. I need some fucking truth spoken to me for once in my life.

"Why do I always feel like I'm talking to myself?"
"Because you are."
"So why don't I stop?"
"Why don't you?"
"I don't know."