Afraid

I hope to God that I'll be alright. I have this sinking feeling in my gut that I won't be. I'm afraid of everything. I think the only real issue for me is money (or lack thereof, as always). So anyway, eleven days left. Staying here isn't an option no matter how badly I need money. I can't take it here anymore. I can barely think clearly anymore. I have to constantly control myself from having impulsive urges to yell or physically hurt anyone here. It's frustrating to have to live in this house.

I hope I'll be alright. I pray that I'll be alright. I'm not going to fuck this up. I seriously need to get my shit together and fucking prioritize. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK. I know I don't have it as bad as some other people may, but I don't think that it's right for me to have to go through all this shit at my age. Have I done anything wrong to deserve all the shit I go through? I lost out on my entire childhood. I had to grow up before I even had a chance to know what being a kid felt like. I swear to God, if I ever get out of this mess and have children of my own, they will NEVER have to go through what I have to endure. This is going to stop soon, one way or another. If I have to give up everything I have, I'm leaving here. The only person I know for sure that I can always depend on is Raini. I can't even be sure that I can depend on myself. I have no family and true friends are scarce. What the fuck has this world come to? Is this just the reality of life? Why am I only learning things now?

I really wish I had a fucking pause button. I'd give my left leg for a pause button.